if there's one thing that's wrong with me it would be this:
i cannot show extreme emotions.
extreme.
the sadder i am, the harder it is for me to show it.
the more it hurts, the more i'd hide it from the world.
i'd rather retreat within myself, cry when its dark, stuff like that.
until of course comes the trigger.
and once it comes, and once i start, it'll be hard to stop.
so yan's written about it.
healing begins with a step.
and so this is mine.
ohhh. trust me.
when mama sent the message that morning i felt my heart drop as if from a thousand feet up.
i called her, and heard her monotonous tone
(yes, that's mama when she's in pain. she, like me, retreats as well. in order to be strong for other people, she puts her emotions on hold to tend to others)
knew then that it was for real.
yan kata:
sebelum balik, mak long said to me, while hugging me tightly, "jangan lupa pak long k?"
impossible.
ini Pak Long yang most of the time is bubbly and cheerful and always with a smile. ini Pak Long yang made sure that Kamal apologized (profusely!) when he accidentally dropped a vase on my head. ini Pak Long who'd crack jokes yang so extremely funny i'd always be in a laughing fit sampai sakit perut. ini Pak Long who'd burst into a song at random times when we go on holidays. ini Pak Long yang suka cerita ceriti pasal masa dia, ayah and Pak Ngah pergi fishing trips and roadtrips. ini Pak Long.
of course takkan lupa. ever.
funny isn't it?
how it takes death to realize the value of the life we still have.
that it takes death to realize the value of the people around us.
it takes death to realize life.
youneverknow youneverknow youneverknow.
i wouldn't pause.
not for a heartbeat to stop myself from telling the people i care about that i care for them.
that iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou.
life is so much more than the petty everyday problems we believe we have.
petty, yes.
bila kau orang masih rasa salah aku sebab konon nya tinggalkan dia.
bila kau main dengan perasaan orang lain kerana kau rasa aku punca kau hilang segalanya.
dan bila kau orang baca dan terasa walhal mungkin ini semua bukan fasal kamu.
segan? silu? malu? benci?
PETTY.
life is precious.
as are you dear Sunshines, dear Hearts, dear Love.
for making the week so bearable.
directly, indirectly, thank you. :)
imissyou imissyou imissyou.
i cannot show extreme emotions.
extreme.
the sadder i am, the harder it is for me to show it.
the more it hurts, the more i'd hide it from the world.
i'd rather retreat within myself, cry when its dark, stuff like that.
until of course comes the trigger.
and once it comes, and once i start, it'll be hard to stop.
so yan's written about it.
healing begins with a step.
and so this is mine.
ohhh. trust me.
when mama sent the message that morning i felt my heart drop as if from a thousand feet up.
i called her, and heard her monotonous tone
(yes, that's mama when she's in pain. she, like me, retreats as well. in order to be strong for other people, she puts her emotions on hold to tend to others)
knew then that it was for real.
yan kata:
sebelum balik, mak long said to me, while hugging me tightly, "jangan lupa pak long k?"
impossible.
ini Pak Long yang most of the time is bubbly and cheerful and always with a smile. ini Pak Long yang made sure that Kamal apologized (profusely!) when he accidentally dropped a vase on my head. ini Pak Long who'd crack jokes yang so extremely funny i'd always be in a laughing fit sampai sakit perut. ini Pak Long who'd burst into a song at random times when we go on holidays. ini Pak Long yang suka cerita ceriti pasal masa dia, ayah and Pak Ngah pergi fishing trips and roadtrips. ini Pak Long.
of course takkan lupa. ever.
funny isn't it?
how it takes death to realize the value of the life we still have.
that it takes death to realize the value of the people around us.
it takes death to realize life.
youneverknow youneverknow youneverknow.
i wouldn't pause.
not for a heartbeat to stop myself from telling the people i care about that i care for them.
that iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou.
life is so much more than the petty everyday problems we believe we have.
petty, yes.
bila kau orang masih rasa salah aku sebab konon nya tinggalkan dia.
bila kau main dengan perasaan orang lain kerana kau rasa aku punca kau hilang segalanya.
dan bila kau orang baca dan terasa walhal mungkin ini semua bukan fasal kamu.
segan? silu? malu? benci?
PETTY.
life is precious.
as are you dear Sunshines, dear Hearts, dear Love.
for making the week so bearable.
directly, indirectly, thank you. :)
imissyou imissyou imissyou.
1 comment:
Innalillah lin~ *superhugs*
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