*thump!*

tadi ikin cakap,

"rindu la zaman matriks"

and i immediately said no.
maaf. automatic reaction yang tak dapat control.

now i realized it was a lie.
i actually do miss kulim.

rindu.

rindu madihah and her stories.
rindu bila dia masuk dorm she'd be all cheery and "heloo! hi dah balik!"
rindu camwhore like crazy with her.
rindu listening to her swoons and sighs.
rindu. that one fight we(all four of us) had, she cried, in tears while telling me she loves me.

rindu cik diyana si keras kepala.
rindu the (oh so many) fights.
tapi, dalam keras keras kepala dia, hati dia lembut rupanya.
maka dia selalu nasihatkan saya supaya lembutkan hati.
(erm yeah, masa ini masih anti-cinta dan semua segala)

rindu henen cubemate dearest.
ahh, jika selama ini saya rasa kecewa kerana (mungkin) gagal sebagai seorang roomate yang baik,
at the very least i know i did my best by henen :)
because eventhough kitorg PMS time sama, we'd just sit next to each other.
i loved loved loved listening to her talk about her day.
but i also found comfort in our silent moments.
i found comfort.
and hey, siapa boleh tahan dengan saya yang dulu suka conteng dinding dengan segala macam quotes and newspaper cuttings.
rindu ambil bakul dobi dengan henen.
rindu gelak gila bila dia buat perangai berani yang macam macam.
rindu budak si mata lawa ni :)

and yang paling paling rindu?
rindu nabilah.
rindu punya kawan yang boleh hilangkan tension dengan hanya meng-squeeze tangan.
rindu punya kawan yang boleh tenyeh tenyeh konon je tgh urut dia :P
rindu having her come over and tell segala macam masalah dunia.
ahh, she's the only one in matrix dulu who would understand my extreme need of having long walks when i'm stressed.
walaupun dia tak sedar saya sebenarnya claustrophobic sikit, and would never admit it to her nanti hilang lah macho saya. :P
oh yes! kami dua perempuan macho!
you'd see us walking around campus without a care in the world.
if i'm walking next to her, semua sekeliling boleh kata apa apa and i wouldn't care.
i loved it. the fact that she was stronger than i am.
and masa period saya kena 'boycott', she was the only one who came up to me and talked to me.
we both understood how the other works.
ohhhh. ini sumber reality check versi perempuan yang paling sakit!
she understands in depth how much i value honesty.
and values it as much as well :)

okay. so rindu. sangat. apparently.

and some of the valuable lessons i learnt?

it's okay to be different.
you don't have to follow the masses, because even they can lead you astray.
and when you're placed in a box, you can either choose to suffocate and die or break out, break free.

it is a choice.
because we're not always placed in circumstances we dream of.
most of the time life throws us in squirmy-screamish situations.
mope, grieve, cry, rant - all a natural process.
some people need to fall (and fall hard) in order to bounce back.
but please, bounce back.
falling without a 'thump' hurts more than when you actually do hit the ground.

"likewise. tolong."